Remembering Wendy Davee

Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.
Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.
Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.
Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.
Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.
I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way.
Rabindranath Tagore

Farewell Dear Friend and Beloved Teacher

Holly Reusing, M.A. (Counseling Psychology, 2005) | 24 August 2012

It was with a heavy heart that I responded to Dianne’s news this past Monday regarding our dear Wendy Davee’s rapid decline in health. I was shocked and deeply saddened to hear that she was in hospice care and not surprised to know that she was surrounded by loved ones. After seeing Wendy recently at graduation, it hardly seems possible that she experienced these severe changes. I was moved to write to her to reiterate how important she really was to us as students and to Pacifica’s Counseling program, and to me. In the midst of travels this week, I did not get that last message to her and I am so incredibly sad to hear today that our quiet steadfast leader moved on last night.

As I was writing to my fellow classmates today, I thought about how impossible it is to gage the impact of losing such a wonderful professor. It is impossible to calculate the measure of her gifts to us in our training as therapists. In this field especially, the lives of students, their families, and clients are forever impacted by the tutelage and leadership she gave to us. Even though I did not get the card out this week, I believe Wendy knew. Her humility was genuine but her ego was strong and I trust she knew how the students and faculty all felt about her.

I remember once in our second year (2004) when Dr. Kipnis came to substitute for a practicum class. We were sitting out front on the grass. It was a deeply experiential day toward the end of our coursework, and he made a comment to us that struck hard and deep. He asked something to this effect: “Do you all know how fortunate you are to have this group of women working with you? You are extremely blessed to have such a powerful and dedicated team leading you through this process. I hope you realize that compared to many other educational opportunities, what you have here is very special.”

When we teach, we are entrusted with a special role, the power of which is so often underestimated. It is from people like Wendy that we learn to become aware of the imbalances in such a powerful role, in the dyad, and use them to the highest good. I cannot think of anyone who embodied this fairness better than Wendy. Her commitment to maintaining balance in these relationships seemed closer to the level of a spiritual mystic than a professor.

I shared a personal projection with Wendy a couple years back at a Pacifica public program on campus. A little embarrassed, I approached her and let her know that she had always reminded me of my mother. Although she was from a different era and had achieved a totally different set of accomplishments, her mannerisms and kindness were often strong reminders of my biological mother. I often imagined what it might have been like for my mother, who came of age in the 50s, to have achieved a professional career and the type of personal awareness that Wendy had. It was an inspiration to me and helped me also to develop compassion where it had not been before. I remember feeling ever so touched when she simply told me in her calm, soothing voice how sweet that sounded and how much she appreciated my sharing that with her. She was ultimately a woman of compassion, and she had a level of tenderness mixed with personal and academic wisdom that could rival any healer.

I regret that I have not been privy to much of the ongoings of the Counseling program in recent years after Wendy took the position as Chair. I know that these gifts rippled through students’ lives and academic and work experiences both on the surface in practical ways and to the deepest of levels. It goes without saying that Pacifica has lost a great leader and that Wendy will be terribly missed. I cannot make any sense of the 8-week plunge into terminal illness and quick death that she endured. There is no way to do that; but, I can (and am) meditating and contemplating with those qualities that she modeled, resolving anew to work toward them in my own life.

Although we have permanently lost one of the Pacifica Counseling Dream Team, it is the deepness of that loss that can somehow charge us to carry forward those principles as people and as an institution.

Perhaps it is too early for many and the poem asks too much, but when death comes, and we have the special luxury of recalling the best of our warriors, it is possible as always that we may be called…

•|•|•|•
•|  REFLECTIONS  |•
Many expansive and illuminating observations and homages were posted in the “Reflections” section included with “Remembering Wendy Davee” in its original appearance at the initial website of Pacifica Graduatae Institute Alumni Association. We have collected them here, with posting dates, for your exploration and further reflection.

•|•
Gail Lyons  | M.A. Counseling Psychology, 2011 | 1 Feb 2013
Looking at the pictures just now of Wendy with her students and colleagues brought tears to my eyes … I learned so much at Pacifica and so much of what I learned was from her. Some part of her spirit is with me every time I sit with a client, holding them as she held me.
•|•

Christine Barto  | M.A. Counseling Psychology, 2012 | 29 Nov 2012
I will always remember Wendy sittng down with me and sharing a meal, when she knew I was having a challenging time as a mother and student. Wendy always offered such a wise, grounded and loving presence. My thoughts and prayers go out to her family.
•|•

Kevin Davis  | M.A. Counseling Psychology, 2010 | 14 Oct 012
It seems only yesterday that Wendy taught our classes and later hooded us at graduation. Her kindness, intellect, poise, and warmheartedness embodied Pacifica’s motto.

Anne Kollath  | Retired Pacifica Professor | 29 Aug 2012
Say not in grief that she is no more / But say in thankfulness that she was. — R. Tagore
I am thankful for the years I had with Wendy as my colleague and friend.

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

A very grateful student,
Swany Ochoa-Bontemps

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.